Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Can someone tell me when it will stop hurting?

My best friend, displaced to Maine, the poor bastard, these 32 long months, sent me a great shirt for my birthday. I'm not exactly sure when we started giving each other birthday presents. I think the last one I got from him was a Wolverine poster when I turned 16. Yeah, I still have it.

Anyway this is the shirt:
Now, those of you who are not from Louisiana and not on intimate terms with the history of this great state will probably not understand why this is so fucking funny. Even knowing the facts of it all will not let you in on the joke, but I will try to explain it as best I can.

Edwin W. Edwards (the "occasional" governor of Louisiana) is a crook and proud of it. He is currently in federal prison on a bribery conviction involving video poker licenses. This was after his four (4!) terms as governor. The last time he ran was in 1991 against David Duke (as in, former Grand Wizard of the KKK...) and he won. "Vote for the crook" was a popular bumper sticker that year. If he lives to see the light of day again, I guarantee the citizens of Louisiana will elect him again. Why? Because the crook you know is better than the one you don't. Because it's impossible to steal nothing. Because he didn't give a shit about the rest of the country, unless they could help Louisiana (and his wallet). Hell, I'd vote for him. Can't be much worse than what we've had since.

---An aside: The 80's were not too great for EWE or for the rest of the state due to the oil money vanishing(Thanks, President Carter! You fucker.). I find it funny that, once upon a time, low oil prices were a BAD thing. When I was 15, my dad, who was in Applied Geophysics (look it up) said he would buy me a car once oil reached $100 a barrel. I've tried to get him to make good on that the last few years, but he's not having it.
End Aside---

So it's funny, right? It would end there, but for some other products on Dirty Coast. Then there's the link to the comic A.D.: New Orleans After the Deluge.

I couldn't get through more than a few pages. I can barely concentrate now. It's been almost THREE FUCKING YEARS! When can I let it go? When will it STOP?

But Jazz Fest is happening right now. And my best friend, displaced to Maine these last 32 months (the poor bastard), is home for the weekend. And we will eat and drink and laugh and be New Orleans, for a little while. Maybe a long while. But we have another reminder in four months. And always another and another. Each step forward on the road to recovery is also a reminder of everything we've lost and might never regain.

I just want it to go away. I want my friends to come home for good. I want my broken heart to mend. Is that really so much?


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Expelled opening weekend

Anybody have plans for some Expelled protesting? I'll be at our local hick movie theater with this shirt

and handing out "15 Answers to Creationist Nonsense" from Scientific American.

Is there anywhere Expelled is making a big showing? New Orleans has no theaters, Jefferson Parish has one in the boonies of Harahan and only one in the entirety of St. Tammany, Tangipahoa and Washington, which is where we keep most of our fundies and godbots. Within 250 miles of my house, only 33 screens are showing it. Look at this:

That's a LOT of Gulf Coast Protestants being ignored. Maybe the producers are hoping for long lines, sell-outs and high per-screen numbers to boost their credibility.

Anyway, if you don't hear from me for a while, it's probably because I'll be somewhere recuperating from some of God's love to my face.

Wish me luck!


A little intimidating...

I just discovered Google Analytics. I don't fully understand all of the terms and numbers yet, but apparently a lot of people are actually visiting this site. A lot more than I thought, anyway. I'm sure people are bouncing over here from a comment on one of the real blogs and then disappear, but it's nice to know that stuff is being seen. Even when that stuff is as ridiculous as most of the posts here.


Friday, April 4, 2008


Friendly Atheist just got WANGED by Eric Zorn over at the Chicago Tribune.

I've been a fan of his since the 2006 NFC Championship, even though I've been to Chicago three times for a total of eight days* and have never lived anywhere close.

Nice going, Eric! Friendly Athiest should get a nice increase in traffic with this.

*And will NEVER RETURN. Click that link to see why. Be sure to reserve a block of time to read those comments.

UPDATE 5:50 PM Apparently, the wanging is complete. You can access Friendly Atheist once more.


Kind of like the School of Theatre

Convincing Pick-Up Line

With apologies to the artist: I've altered the mouse-over text to fit this post. It also happens to be true.
To see the original, click the picture.

  1. What's the best thing about being an actor?
  2. What's the worst thing about being an actor?
    See Number 1


Wednesday, April 2, 2008

(One of) My Problem(s)

Here's the deal. I don't want to be serious. I hate being serious. It feels like I've had to be nothing but serious since August 29, 2005*. Like if I wasn't, it would be some kind of betrayal or defection from what's still happening around me. Melodramatic? Maybe, but there it is.

I want to be silly. Comedians are the prophets of our age, but that's not why. I like to laugh, especially (my wife says) at my own brilliance. In the School of Theatre, my friends would anticipate my presence in the audience with either dread or relief but for the same reason. My laugh. I don't just laugh. I have been likened to a hyena on more than one occasion. My brother is embarrassed to sit next to me in a movie. I laugh with my whole body and my whole heart. I have received the scowls of the old matinee ladies and their admonitions: "You should be more respectful of the actors."

A quick aside on the matinee ladies: The Cherry Orchard is a farce. It's fucking hilarious. Americans are just being stupid when they imagine it as post-modern tragedy. Nordic melancholy is dark and tragic; Russian melancholy is fucking funny.

Anyway, my laugh is recognizable in a room filled with 1000 people, all (hopefully) laughing themselves and often when no one else is laughing at all. Nevertheless, "I could hear you out there," whether said with affection or derision, was always said with a smile.

And so I present to you a small piece of farcical brilliance that I recently posted on another blog. The blog is a Christian blog, but not a CHRISTIAN blog. Some setup - and no, I'm not linking you bastards there, he has enough trouble with me - The post is about Genesis and that it truly doesn't matter if it really happened or if Moses made it up or maybe God told Moses to make it up. That last bit got me thinking. Suspend your disbelief for a short time and enter such a world.

In my head with this one, God is appearing to Moses in the form of the guy who played Xerxes in 300 and Moses is more of a Bruce Willis unwilling-but-kick-ass hero type. Die Hard in a robe and a beard. Yeah.

GOD:So you know now what you have to do.
MOSES: I suppose. What if they need proof? What should I tell them about all of this?
GOD:Well, you see, I created matter. Then I compressed all the matter into an infinite space. Then it, um, exploded.
MOSES: What? Why?
GOD: Never mind, just tell them that I what I had left was a bunch of fiery rocks and I picked this one to cool down enough to put some living things on it, then guided those living things through the eons.
MOSES: Fine, but where did WE come from?
GOD: Honestly? I got the idea while I was working on monkeys.
MOSES: Are you fucking kidding me?
GOD: What? I like monkeys. (aside)Should have just quit while I was ahead.
MOSES: That’s never gonna fly. Maybe we should just forget the whole thing.
GOD: Look, if you don’t like it my way, then just make your own story. Whatever, I don’t care. Just get them on board so we can get the hell out of Egypt. I hate it here.
MOSES: sigh You got it. I'll come up with something.
(Moses turns to go down the mountain)
GOD: Hey, Moses.
MOSES: Yes, my Lord?
GOD: Don’t fuck this up.
MOSES: (walking away, to himself) What the fuck is an eon, anyway?

I would totally watch that movie.

/suspension of disbelief

You may resume your lives of despair and nothingness.

Also, this is a work in progress. No stealing. :)

*Except on Thursday nights (City of Heroes night) and just generally whenever I can lie down next to my wife and think about nothing but how silly the cats are. But publicly I'm very serious.