I am of the strong opinion that my cat, Jasper would make a much better Republican nominee for President than those we have to choose from this year.
- He is both black and white, thereby appealing to everyone (except yellow people, but a yellow cat having the capability to be president is so far-fetched as to be ridiculous; maybe Prime Minister or Attorney General)
- He is tough on crime, as evidenced by his program of catch and eat
- His immigration policy is extremely strict. No immigrants will be allowed without first being excessively sniffed and given the very difficult sit-on-the-lap-and-pet test.
- Like many conservatives he does not place a lot of importance on the sciences especially in the area of pill research, though experimentation in the treat field is still vigorously endorsed. Health care is also not a big priority.
Now before you say he is too conservative, he has other qualities that make him more of a moderate.
- He is very diplomatic and will not enter into a conflict until all other measures have been exhausted This usually takes about 30 - 45 seconds. This policy does not apply to mice, who, I think everyone would agree, are a menace and must be rooted out and destroyed. He showed proof of his great leadership as a general in the Great Basement Excavation Uprising of 2002.
- He believes in freedom of religion for all, being a Bastist, himself, and will even allow those without religion to worship him. Or even those with religion, he's very liberal in that respect.
His probable running mate would be his housemate Stella.
She brings some balance in being more tolerant of science and technology, though she is absolutely firm on the banning of compressed air and Roombas. She will relieve the apprehensions of the hawks in the party as she is very big on domestic espionage, pre-emptive strikes and, when absolutely warranted, "enhanced interrogation techniques." Big Business will also find a friend in Stella, especially the box, plastic bag and suitcase industries.
As a bonus, both candidates are DRM free!
If you think these are candidates you can get behind, I encourage you to join our massive write-in campaign and elect Jasper K. Purrface and Stella Bug Monkeybutt in 2008.