I just made an appointment for a CAT scan. It's just kidney stones, try not to be too disappointed. After giving the nice lady (Cheryl) all the usual information the medical industry requires to make sure they'll get paid, I was asked for an emergency contact and then what I thought was a strange question.
Cheryl: "Would you like to tell me your religion?"
bullet: "Umm... No?"
Cheryl: "Ok, then we'll see you on Friday!"
The only reason I can imagine they would need to know my religion is in case I die or am near death. That is a scary thing to contemplate. I'm sure it's just another blank on the standard form, but still: What the fuck are they going to be shooting at me? Or filling me up with, since there's some kind of dye involved in the other procedure, a "KUB", which I've had before and it's lovely. Here I am using "lovely" to mean "the most painful experience I've ever had to endure". Last time it involved lying half naked on a metal table while the barium dye pushed VERY HARD on the enormous kidney stone that was, quite frankly, painful enough without the help. The other kidney was working just fine, but, of course, I couldn't go pee until they were done. To top it all off, the crap they gave me didn't even come out a cool color, just clear. It seems to me the least they can do is turn your pee blue or purple or something.
As you can probably tell, I am very much looking forward to it.
More seriously, though, is the problem with the question, itself. This is a very Christian town. If I had told the woman that I am an atheist or that I had no religion, what would happen? One would assume that a professional would simply do her job, regardless, but the Conscience Clause bullshit shows that it's not always the case. She now has my name, address, phone number and SSN, any combination of which could be used to harass me. She could refuse to treat me. Or she could simply "lose" my appointment. Or my insurance. Don't even get me started on the procedure, itself. The possibilities are endless. I'm not saying that Cheryl (or anyone down the line) would do anything like this, only that they could. Would, could, whatever, it doesn't matter. That the possibility occurred to me in the few seconds between her question and my answer is just a small example of the fear I have as an atheist among Christians, some of them exceptionally crazy. I am terrified of what could happen if they knew. That's not right.
The very idea of a conscience clause is a load of bullshit.
Think about it this way: Any law that would permit a Christian pharmacist to refuse to dispense contraception would also permit a Scientologist to refuse to dispense psychotropic drugs. I take psychotropic drugs. I would be very upset if I couldn't get them. Though I probably would not end up in a hospital if I were denied medication, I know quite a few people who would, some if their medication schedule were merely disrupted by an asshole pharmacist. If that were to happen, I would advocate severely beating the offender. If it happened to someone I know, I would do it myself. I'm not kidding.
This would be especially true if I'm still in a ridiculous amount of pain because they can't give me an appointment until fucking Friday!
This was supposed to be a short, funny post about contemplating death by X-ray, but then I started to think about it.
I wonder if anyone else has.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
What's in there? Kryptonite?
Kidney Stones and the Conscience Clause
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Labels: atheism, Christians, conscience clauses, Death, depression, mental illness, Religion
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Heaven just got a little funkier? Isaac Hayes, 1942 - 2008
Following Isaac Hayes' death this weekend, I've seen the above sentiment all over the 'spheres. It struck me as immediately ridiculous and not just because I don't believe in heaven.
Isaac Hayes was a scientologist. He worshipped either a false god (Xenu) or an idol (money). He can't possibly be going to any Christian, Jewish or Muslim heaven. But what happened to him?
Where (besides the dirt) did he go?
Luckily, we have Explainer at Slate to help us out.
The Afterlife for Scientologists
What will happen to Isaac Hayes' legendary soul?His soul will be "born again into the flesh of another body," as the Scientology Press Office's FAQ puts it.
Add to this the frequently blasphemy of South Park and it's almost certain that, if the Christians are right, Isaac is smokin' in a whole different way.
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The Web site also stresses that Scientologists do not believe in "reincarnation." Unlike religions such as Hinduism and Buddhism, in which reincarnation functions as a kind of justice system—i.e., an individual's behavior in one life determines the caliber of the next—rebirth in Scientology is a more mechanical process. Hubbard described it as "simply living time after time, getting a new body, eventually losing it and getting a new one."
I haven't seen any claims of a deathbed conversion, but at least one "100% Christian" has claimed him for the "Glory Choir". Yeah, can't wait to see Ma Theresa dancing to Chocolate Salty Balls.
***WARNING:The following paragraph links to Fox News.***
Incidentally, while Scientology may have had a serious hold on him, his friend Roger Friedman has disputed the strength of Hayes' convictions, accusing the "Church" of pressuring him to quit South Park, then quitting for him after Hayes' stroke in January 2006.I can tell you that Hayes is in no position to have quit anything. Contrary to news reports, the great writer, singer and musician suffered a stroke on Jan. 17. At the time it was said that he was hospitalized and suffering from exhaustion.
In his most recent column on the subject, Friedman all but charges Scientology with killing Hayes.
It’s also absolutely ridiculous to think that Hayes, who loved playing Chef on "South Park," would suddenly turn against the show because they were poking fun at Scientology.But the general consensus was that he needed the money. Without “Chef,” Isaac’s finances were severely curtailed. He had mouths to feed to home. Plus, Scientology requires huge amounts of money, as former member, actor Jason Beghe, has explained in this space. For Isaac to continue in the sect, he had to come up with funds. Performing was the only way.
What a bunch of fuckers.
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But there are a lot of questions still to be raised about Isaac Hayes’ death. Why, for example, was a stroke survivor on a treadmill by himself? What was his condition? What kind of treatment had he had since the stroke? Members of Scientology are required to sign a form promising they will never seek psychiatric or mental assistance. But stroke rehabilitation involves the help of neurologists and often psychiatrists, not to mention psychotropic drugs — exactly the kind Scientology proselytizes against.
All I know about Isaac Hayes comes from South Park and Shaft. I am utterly unqualified to make any statement about the man and his death except that I am positive he isn't in heaven, hell or another body. Anyone who didn't know the man personally should be ashamed to make any claim to the contrary.
I'll just end it with another quote from Friedman:None of this should ever take away from who Isaac Hayes really was: a great friend, a warm congenial man with a big heart and a big laugh.
---
...he was a masterful musician with a great mind and a wicked sense of humor. His loss at 65 is simply way too early and very tragic.
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Labels: Death, Greatness, idiots, Isaac Hayes, Religion
Monday, June 23, 2008
George Carlin... dead
I've always been fond of saying that comedians are the prophets of our age. Among them, George Carlin was the greatest.
I started listening to him when I was 13 - A Place for My Stuff. With the volume so low we could barely hear it, my cousin and I tried as hard as we could to keep our laughter quiet so we wouldn't get caught listening to dirty jokes. We were rarely successful. Later in life, he taught me so many things: That it was the absurdities of life that made it both intolerable and interesting. That outrageous statements and behavior were ok. That I didn't have to think or speak like everyone else. That social mores are arbitrary and ridiculous. The joy of fucking with the English language and that words were more important than almost everything else. That intelligence is more important than compassion. I can't credit (or blame) him with my liberal use of dirty words, but he was obviously an influence.
He's also the reason I don't have a tattoo, reminding me on one of his specials that they can be used for positive identification.
Some of my favorites:
(apologies for the paraphrasing)
My very favorite, since the first time I ever listened to him:Ratshit! Batshit! Dirty old twat!
Exactly.
Sixty-nine assholes tied in a knot!
Hurray, lizard shit!
Fuck!
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Labels: Art, cussing, Death, George Carlin, Greatness
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Bobby Fischer
I don’t know what the blogging equivalent of a moment of silence would be, but I’d like to make one for Bobby Fischer. Having passed yesterday,1/18/2008, the famed Fischer was a never-ending inspiration to logicians and chess enthusiasts like me. Where “inspiration” would fail to articulate what he meant to the world, “paragon” might better scratch the surface. He was enigmatic, dauntlessly passionate, and an icon of fragile, human Americana even beyond his time as an American citizen. Yes, the very notion of his passing ripples through the chess world like an earthquake of sadness and loss. To whatever degree he was the living embodiment of the art of chess, his death is all the more palpable, an unbeatable king laid down in resignation.
Yet, limiting Fischer’s 64 years to the mere 64 squares on a chess board is to rob the meaning that this particular life provided our sometimes forgetful and frequently fickle lot. To say that only chess masters, strategists, gamers, or mathematicians mourn his absence would unjustly frame his death as bleakly more untouchable than his life. Bobby Fischer was the proof, the PROOF that a mind ever set on perfecting even a particular aspect of conscious choice is one that functionally reaches distant, distant realms of human capacity. If any of us put half the mental energy into our marriages as Fischer did into chess, dysfunction would be eliminated from psychology’s bag of couplehood labels. If anyone put the certainty of concept to execution into their career the same way Fischer planned out not only his next game, but his next fifty games, all rewards of the American dream wouldn’t be far behind. Fischer was a master of refining infinite possibilities into a manageable, beneficial series of choices foreseen before such choices had even presented themselves. He wasn’t a psychic, a soothsayer, a magician, or an angel. Rather, the multitudes of future things to come were genuinely interesting enough to him in his present to study, to anticipate, and to be wholly involved with as if they were physically realities in the now. He made things happen, a simple person outrightly attacking the complex. He took much joy in the doing. Winning was to be like him and our plain, old losses made us marvel and wonder as to how Fischer did it.
It’s almost as if the reclusion Fischer experienced through much of life was aptly meant to prepare us for his absence in his death, to leave us with the feeling that somewhere, somewhere out there is a hidden champion we can aspire to equaling, to surpassing. Fischer may not have defined the win, but he unquestionably redefined the winner. With a game, perhaps one of the most trivial aspects of humanity, Fischer carved out an exemplary path from obscurity to titan, and then just as easily showed us that there was no difference between the two. It was as if to say, “Here America, this is how you do it.”
Now, it’s our move.
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Labels: Bobby Fischer, chess, Death, logic
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
On Dexter and the (im)morality(?) of homicide
I love the show Dexter. If you've never seen or heard of it, I'll fill you in on some basics. Dexter is a serial killer. And a cop. Not exactly new territory, but there are some intriguing details that make this one more interesting. Dexter is a particularly scary motherfucker. He simply has no conscience, no feeling of right and wrong. And Michael C. Hall is a seriously scary dude. He knows the rules, taught by his late adopted father, but he doesn't understand them or have any kind of emotional attachment or reaction to the rules. Some behavior is acceptable and other behavior is not. Period. The problem is Dexter has a compulsion. He likes blood and he likes to kill people. He needs to. Luckily he's a cop and his father, Harry, was a cop. Harry tried to instill a code within Dexter to govern his need for blood and taught him who to kill and how to avoid detection and capture. It's called "The Code of Harry" and Dexter is more attached to this code than he is to any of society's rules or expectations.
Enough background.
After watching the season opener last night (on the TIVO - I am SO behind!) my wife declared that Dexter was evil. This led to a (short) discussion about the nature of killing and whether it was wrong and why. Some might call it an argument. Whatever. Her stated opinion is that killing is wrong, just because, and anyone who kills people is evil. I had an argument against that point of view, but she didn't want to hear it. So I'm going to tell you.
Killing another human being (homicide) is wrong. We get this idea from various sources but I would also guess that most people simply understand the principle without knowing why. That, however, is the important question. WHY is homicide wrong? I'll define "wrong" here as unacceptable behavior. These are the common answers and refutations as I see them.
1. God says so - "Thou shalt not kill," etc. So the reason comes from God? Anyone who knows me knows that I hate "because God said so." All that says is, "I don't really know, but there has to be a reasonable explanation." My question there is: If God didn't exist, would homicide still be wrong? If His word is the only reason, then of course not. Yet we know this is not the case. So the reason cannot be God.
2. It's against the law. While the legal system has given unpleasant consequences to the act of homicide, the law itself simply a statement that governs behavior. It does not involve itself in the motivations thereof. What is legal is not always moral, etc., etc.
There are others I wanted to bring up, but they have been lost for the time being.
Quite simply, it is an absolute wrong to kill another human being for the sole reason that doing so deprives him of his right to determine his own destiny. It is a violation of his Civil Rights. However, we live in a society in which are rights are protected and defended by social contracts between men and nations. Violating such a contract obviously leads to the curtailment of those rights. On the individual level that usually means the revocation of a number of personal freedoms like voting rights. There's prison, too, and all the unpleasantness associated therein. Between nations we have embargos, boycotts, sanctions and, of course, strongly worded admonitions from the UN. We also accept as consequences for extreme behavior death, usually in the form of the death penalty (individuals) or war (nations). In terms of our social contract, homicide becomes simply the most extreme deprivation of rights one can experience as a consequence of behavior. When one has behaved in the extreme, one loses ALL of his rights.
So really, homicide is perfectly acceptable in the social framework humans have erected. Once it is decided that homicide (as it has been in virtually every society, past and present) is an acceptable behavior in some instances, the only thing left is the negotiation of how and under what circumstances. That negotiation is primarily based on what society can accept, not any rational method. We throw around terms like "humane" and "cruel and unusual" to assuage our guilt, but society as a whole has accepted that it's perfectly alright to kill another human being.
So is Dexter evil? Dexter's victims are usually killers themselves who haven't yet been caught and exposed. If these people WERE arrested, tried and convicted, they would probably be given the death sentence anyway. All Dexter has done is deprive his victims of their Fifth amendment rights. While abhorrent to (most) Americans, it can't really be argued that his behavior is evil, right?
In fact, as an unusual but fairly typical anti-hero, Dexter's actions can actually be classified by some as good. He channels impulses that would normally lead to great harm into actions beneficial to society as a whole, even while violating the rights of his victims.
So, as usual, my wife is wrong.
I love you, baby.
:)
Update 11-07-07: A friend responded with a comment that was too long for blogger so I'm attaching it in full here.
From Pockets:
Greetings, your pantsness,
I should like to be among the first to offer commentary and additionally among the only sad, sad lot who would start a sentence with, “I should like.” I am available for beatings between comments.
While I do genuinely agree that murder is a reprehensible act that is deemed wrong or inherently evil based upon it’s superlative infringement upon a person’s rights (be they civil rights or basic human rights), I’m left with your very grand point still drawing in some of the same questions presented earlier. See, different people believe our human rights actually emanate from different sources. We can probably box them up into two camps, those who believe rights are inherently conferred by a higher power and those who believe there is no such right until granted or acknowledged by lawmakers. Perhaps there’d be a scant few who’d take a middling road, one that claims that a god gives rights unseen and unrepercussive until such time as earthly governing bodies recognize them and follow suit with legal jargon over martinis. I dare say that while common sense supports your assertion, it is as problematic as the lesser assertions discounted in your examples. To take away all rights granted by a god who might not be there or to take away all rights under a system only meant to govern behavior as opposed to one micromanaging personal motivation is as troublesome a point to make as simply saying, “Because God said so,” or “It’s against the law.” Even emotions, as intangible as they are, can be partially attributed physicality as explained with hormones and the hypothalamus. Rights, by comparison to emotions, are more flimsy, less real. They are a mental construct, thinner than shadow. They are an idea so important to so many that we lend them the conversational gravity of a higher power or a legal system in order to legitimize the fact that we share these ideas. We hold them as truths to be self-evident. Your point on rights, while keenly astute, still smacks of missing the mark. Posed, if a god or the government were to suddenly take all of a citizen’s rights completely away (on paper or by divine mystery), as horrible as that act would be perceived, wouldn’t we still think it not quite as horrible as an actual murder? Doesn’t common sense lead us to FEEL that a life with zero rights is somehow still of worth, a worth that need not be wasted in a murder?
I think murder is evil for differing reasons, reasons far too generalized and couch-potato-philosophic to make it into most water cooler debates. (There’s a better chance if they have Poland Spring. I like Poland Spring.) Every solitary individual has the capacity to murder. We do not even need a weapon. The martial arts have accidentally taught us 1347 Hollywood methods of killing somebody with a thumb. A person can study karate for years learning ancient history’s most in-depth methods of hand to empty hand combat, tested in repeated honor fights to the death. The naked, unarmed human body alone, perhaps even from animal origins, has the natural capacity to murder. Contrast that capacity, if you will, to somebody shooting a little girl in the head for two bucks and a cheap thrill. What’s the difference? There’s a death result verses a death result, between humans both arguably defined as murder.
As one example is combat, on the surface it may seem that the difference is self-defense. I disagree. Claiming self-defense, while both a common sense and a legal mainstay accepted by society, is really just another made up reason to structure which murder is fine and which is evil. To date it is used more often as an excuse than as an expression of truth. Plus, there’s always that pesky legal definition of self-defense, the one that lays it out as a reasonable person truly fearing for her/his safety. Who’s to say that a gun wielder couldn’t be truly frightened of a little girl is a pink dress. Dakota Fanning still scares the crap out of me! No, self-defense is not the difference.
The difference is that to master a martial art it takes years of discipline and education. It takes practice and knowledge and even wisdom to perfect combat techniques. And this lifelong dedication to learning cannot exist in a vacuum. It brings with it world knowledge and book knowledge. It brings with it inward reflection and interaction with countless others. It lives in a soup of constant discovery, language, perception, balance, philosophy, skill, fact, opinion, spirituality, commitment, meditation, and thought. It’s actually interesting that the purpose of the art form is to prevail in combat, a prevalence once defined by death, but that to master the form enough to do so, one would be wise enough never to use it to kill, wise enough to acknowledge the futility of ending a life.
The gun, on the other hand, is the elimination of all that. It takes the same natural human capacity to murder and eliminates the need for all the years and years of education and wisdom required to do so artfully. A weapon completely negates any genuine effort made toward prevailing over an unarmed other in a fair and balanced manner. It rips away the sought after skill and precision going directly to an end with no care as to the means. In a sense, it bastardizes our natural capacity to kill, making a completely unnatural act.
This is why murder is wrong. Anything unnatural is psychologically and linguistically aligned with the wrong, akin to the evil. It is something that simply is not “supposed” to be. A real life knife in the hand of a murderer is as unnatural and therefore as wrong as a fictional Dungeons & Dragons aberration crawling out from some viscous, antithetic plane of existence. Murder made simple is the real life equivalent of our most horrifying fictions depicting creatures and monsters that never could be. Certainly, some can still murder, bare handed, without skill. There are stranglers and the occasional neck-breaking enthusiast. Yet, in this light you can see how the body is being used as a blunt, uneducated weapon and not as the skillful tool that is in tune with any wisdom gained in mastering the tool. Murder is an unnatural act that ignores the part of plain, honest, humanity that could otherwise elect to kill only in a fairly pit and artful manner.
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Labels: Death, Rights, television